“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison

Somehow, the one-year anniversary of the death of my best friend Julia is rapidly approaching in March.

One year without texting her “I love you,” as I did almost every day when she battled terminal breast cancer.

One year without hugging her and snuggling together on her couch watching TV.

One year without hearing her voice, except for the voicemail she left me despite how much she hated talking on the phone.

One year of gut-wrenching grief every time I remember she is not here.

I have a playlist I titled, “Julia” which contains all the sad songs that remind me of her. I know it might sound weird to listen to sad songs while experiencing grief, but I find that doing this helps me get the grief out. As soon as I hear the intro to “See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa, the tears start streaming and I almost lose my breath as I start to think about her.

I really understand now why people say that grief never leaves. It’s always there. Some days it’s small, in the back of my mind, and other days the missing her is just absolutely overwhelming.

Part of me feels like it shouldn’t still hurt this badly.

I’ve had almost a year to practice no longer having her here.

But her death has left an absence in my soul that nothing else can fill.

I miss her so much.

All I can do is keep rolling with the waves.