These days, most of my time is divided between wishing my toddler would talk more, and silently willing nearly everyone else to shut the f*ck up. You see, my beautiful, bright, sweet little boy has a speech delay – which, while both common and curable, is not without its own set of trials and tribulations.
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Maybe I am a traditionalist at heart, but I still believe every woman has to do what is in her heart … what is right with her soul. And that is pretty damn progressive.
I honestly have completely mixed feelings about this “new me.” I am happy that I am making healthier choices, and proud of the will power I have somehow accrued, but sad that so much of my life needs to be spent thinking about when and what I can eat.
Despite all the different ways our lives have unfolded since graduation, those smiles and the love fueling them, are ever present. I don’t think there is a more convincing testament to the strength of our friendships.
I always dreamed of having three kids and life did, in fact, bless me with three beautiful children. One boy, one girl, and one child who falls somewhere in between.
Isn’t that what mothers do? We juggle. ALL THE TIME.
We are used to it. It becomes second nature to raise our children and work – whether in the home or out – we somehow figure it out. We may not do it all right, all the time, but we do get it done.
Most of the time.
Until the day when we find ourselves in front of a vending machine in tears. Then we do what we do. We dry our tears, pick ourselves up, and walk into Starbucks to purchase a latte, instead.
I’m at work and my phone vibrates. I anxiously look at the caller ID information displayed. Crap. My fears are confirmed; the incoming call is from one of my sons’ schools. “Hello?” I manage to get out as worst-case scenarios run through my mind…
Ya know, the funny thing about change is that it’s not always welcomed. And let me tell you, it certainly wasn’t welcomed by me. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready. Everything happened way too fast.
I think one of the best perks of having older kids is that they now have cell phones. I know, the cost is no fun but I really love knowing that I can talk to my kids anytime I need to…I also love that some of our most hilarious, serious, or irritating conversations are actually in writing.
As I looked at my feed throughout the day, I longed desperately for the strength to write “Me too,” but I was paralyzed by fear and still have not been able to bring myself to write those two simple words.
