The stress of establishing traditions

Jan 26, 2015 by

I’ve never been overly sentimental. I have a box of childhood mementos packed away but only because my mom saved them for me. My wedding dress hangs in my closet, but it is dirty and the lace is tattered at the bottom, the result of an awesome backyard wedding where I was barefoot for most of the reception; it will not be a pristine, preserved dress I pass down to my daughter, if I ever have a daughter. I have cards from our wedding saved, but slightly out of obligation–shouldn’t I want to look back in these in fifty years?  I just found them while sorting through our guest bedroom and, only three and a half years into our marriage, am considering getting rid of them to make room in the box for other things I want to save instead, whatever that may be. Does that make me a terrible person?

Returning to work after unemployment

Jan 19, 2015 by

Tomorrow I return to work after four and a half months of unemployment. Sometimes, if I look back, it feels like forever that i’ve been out of work. Other times, the time home with my son seems to have flown by. I was home with him for a third of his life. When I think of it that way, it seems both impossibly long and also kind of neat at the same time.

I never really saw myself as a stay at home mom and, the truth is, I was terrified being at home with Lenny all day, every day, like we were while on maternity leave. Only, this wasn’t maternity leave, and I wasn’t home with a newborn. Being at home all day with an older baby is completely different. We had more structure to our days, enjoyed more interactive play, and outings and play dates were the norm. I didn’t feel the isolation that I felt while on maternity leave, despite my initial fears when I lost my job.

“Are you going to try for another baby?”

Jan 12, 2015 by

“Are you going to try for another baby?”

Oddly enough, I get this question from complete strangers more than I do from my family and friends.  Probably, it’s because my friends and family are sensitive to our infertility and know that the simple question warrants a complicated answer. And probably because strangers are needlessly nosy. I’ve been asked this question while in the checkout line with my son at the grocery store, by other moms at the library, and even by the photographer who took our holiday photos this year. When did others’ reproductive choices become the topic of casual conversation?  I mean, what answer would they like?

I’ll have another baby when I have better health insurance that will pay for IVF?

I’ll have another baby when I can save up $12,000 or so to pay out of pocket for another IVF cycle, and hope that it works on the first try because it would take winning the lottery to afford one, let alone more than one?

You are one.

Jan 5, 2015 by

Lenny, today you are one. From the start, you were one—one single embryo, the only one ready on transfer day. You were the one that chose us to be your parents. You are the one who is our dream and every best hope. You are one special boy.

 

Photo credit Gena Golas.

Photo credit Gena Golas.

 

You are one sweet boy. Always so gentle, and generous with smiles and kisses. I hope you are always this kind.

 

Photo credit Gena Golas.

Photo credit Gena Golas.

 

You are one happy boy. You have a smile for everyone. You make me smile every day.

 

Photo credit Christa Allard.

Photo credit Christa Allard.

You are one playful boy. I love watching your sense of humor develop. I look forward to so many more playful days with you.

 

Photo credit Gena Golas.

Photo credit Gena Golas.

A love for dancing

Dec 15, 2014 by

My family has always loved to dance. Some of my favorite stories from my grandparents are the ones from when they were dating and would steal the spotlight as soon as they hit the dance floor.  I remember them dancing in their living room at holiday parties if one of “their songs” came on. Even now, though they are older and dancing is harder, they will always tell their stories and play us clips of their favorite musical dance numbers that they recorded off the television.

This love for dance was passed on to my mom, and then to my sister and me. We took dance lessons growing up but, before that even, we would choreograph performances for our families every time we got together with our cousins. My aunt taught us how to car dance. There was always music, and there was always dancing.

Page 1 of 2812345...