I am enough

Oct 24, 2013 by

You all know about our judgement-free campaign by now. Sometimes, I find, that other mothers aren’t nearly as judgmental of me as I am of myself. I am my own worst critic. No one else but me. [Note: I'm sure that other mothers may judge me, but their opinion of me doesn't matter.]

As a mom, it’s easy to feel bursts of failure or shame. Like when your kid acts up in public, you feel like it’s your fault.

  • When you forget picture day and send your kid to school in a ratty sweatshirt, you feel like a total loser.
  • When you forget to send a snack to school or pick up your child late
  • Or just make a boneheaded move because you’re overwhelmed or distracted

The “Making Memories” List

Sep 19, 2013 by

We’ve all heard of “bucket” lists. Now, it seems like there are “parenting” bucket lists out there. Not sure if I like the use of the word “bucket” in this context but it’s basically a list of things to teach your child or things to do with your kids before they grow up. There seems to be just a few of these out there:
Well, take this book or this one For example. Or articles like this or this.

There are so many listed items to choose from and I love the ones that include “mastering an instrument” or “teaching your child to play chess” or “learning a second language”. I’d love to do all of those things for my kids. But that’s not exactly what I had in mind.

Of course, I have the big ticket practical/life things that I want to instill upon them such as:

Manifesto

Sep 5, 2013 by

“I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.”

I had a moment recently where I found myself questioning my success as a parent. My 6 year-old son did something that I wasn’t proud of. I sat him down to point out what I expected differently from him. I’m not sure it sank in. I felt like I was failing at something.

It’s funny that we spend so much time trying to be better parents while also constantly reminding ourselves that “perfect” is not attainable and we need to cut ourselves a little slack. So, which is it:  strive for being the best parent imaginable or allow ourselves to just be? We spend so much time looking outward for the answer, we forget about looking inward.

a boy and his tutu

Aug 22, 2013 by

The first time my son put on a tutu, I watched my wife’s face go white.

As for me, I’m not totally blameless in the judgment department – I may have shot Lo a look like “ummmm….okay” but I don’t really think I was anywhere near panic.

Our boys could not be more different. Andrew, the older one, is so anti-girl things that he had a full meltdown at 2 years old when we tried to put a pink swimmy diaper on him. He even pulls the “pink” pages out of the holiday toy catalogs because that stuff is “for gurrrls”.  (This I almost consider more of an issue that needs addressing than liking tutus). And here’s his younger brother, gloriously sporting the tutu and fairy wings:

photo (3)

photo credit: H. Robinson

What the end of DOMA means to my family

Jun 27, 2013 by

I think I’ve made it pretty clear from prior posts (like this one) that I am not shy or guarded when it comes to being an out gay parent. The news that hit from the Supreme Court this week is still sinking in. At first I wasn’t sure how much this would really impact me personally other than filing taxes as a married couple, but then it started really sinking in. I mean, THIS. IS. HUGE.

We now have a federally recognized family. While I find it silly that such recognition had to occur with lawyers and justices, here we are.

There will be countless articles and opinions about the decision, its impact, the future of gay rights, and even a lot of negative nay-saying commentary. But what I hope to show is what this really means to me, to my family and why, for me, it goes so much further beyond my little family unit.

Playing Defense as a Lesbian Mom

May 16, 2013 by

“I’m gay.”

The first time I had to say that out loud was beyond difficult but so full of relief at the same time. Every “coming out” story is different. However, you don’t just “come out” once. When you are gay, you just may have to do it more than once. It’s more like 1,000 times. Per year.

Pretty much with most people you meet or are in personal contact with from that moment forward. You “come out” again and again. Every time you are faced with that moment, the moment where you need to respond to the “what does your husband do?”or “are you two (pointing to Lo) sisters?” type of question, you think very quickly about:

  • What is the situation I’m in at this moment?
  • How much of a conversation you want to start here?
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