THIS IS ME

At almost 42, I’ve been a bit more reflective of who I’ve become.  I understand that we, as people, are always changing and growing but the beauty of being in my 40s is I can actually say, about many of my quirks and traits, “well, this is me!” and not really care much about what others think about it.

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Here at CT Working Moms, we have had a slow and gradual turnover of writers.  Many of the writers who began writing at the community’s beginning have moved on and others have left because life has taken them away from us. We have some new faces writing beautiful posts and I hope our readers are continuing to relate to our stories of motherhood and life in general.  It came to my attention, however, that our readers may not know much about us outside of the stories we have chosen to share in our posts.  As their manager, I’ve encouraged them to find a way to share a bit more about themselves so you, as readers, can begin to really get to know us.  Be on the lookout for these types of posts!

Last month I took my kids to see the movie, “The Greatest Showman”. A loud, colorful musical, this movie celebrates differences and encourages people to follow their dreams despite any obstacles they may encounter. The music is captivating. I’ve been singing the songs in my head for weeks and I’m really not annoyed by it at all.

The most noteworthy song is, “This is Me” sung by the amazing Keala Settle. My favorite lyrics:

I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me

At almost 42, I’ve been a bit more reflective of who I’ve become.  I understand that we, as people, are always changing and growing but the beauty of being in my 40s is I can actually say, about many of my quirks and traits, “well, this is me!” and not really care much about what others think about it.

Therefore, in the spirit of “The Greatest Showman”, that beautiful song, and my earnest desire for my readers to get to know me a bit better, here’s a little about me.

  • I am tough. I can kill the biggest bug without hesitation. I can function through almost any sickness.  I’ve been known to leave a meeting, vomit violently, and return to that meeting with no one having any idea that I was ill.  Pain is no match for me. I have pushed my baby’s cradle down the maternity floor to the nursery completely doubled over, 8 hours post c-section, no tears, just determination. It’s important that my girls are tough as well. When my kids get hurt I don’t kiss their wounds. I help them process what they did wrong and how they could prevent this injury again and I’ve taught them how to clean out their cuts and apply their own bandages. I almost always get to work, no matter how lousy I may be feeling. Therefore, my kids almost always go to school. Unless they have a fever or are vomiting, they go. Have a headache? Take some Tylenol and go to school. Have a cold? Pack some tissues and cough drops in your backpack and go to school. Tired? Go to bed early tonight but go to school. I want my girls to have grit and stamina so I’m definitely a “tough mom”. They will also be able to kill the big bugs without screaming.

 

  • I hate peanut butter.  Loathe it.  I hate everything about it–the smell, the texture, the taste. Actually, I do not like any type of nut and I only eat something that contains nuts by accident.

 

  • Despite my mental and physical toughness, I am extremely sensitive. This sensitivity can sometimes trip me up. I feel everything. I hear everything. I think about EVERYTHING. And then I think about it some more. I see everyone’s perspectives and I agonize over others’ feelings and thoughts. I can overreact in an instant, going from happy to devastated so quickly I give myself whiplash. I can get angry. Really angry. If this anger is related to something that happened to my kids? Run. I definitely get my feelings hurt unnecessarily because of this over sensitivity and I can get down because of issues I really should ignore. I have learned how to manage most of this inner angst myself. I’ve learned to take time to work through issues in my head, calm down when needed, and I treat myself when I’m feeling particularly down. I now have the ability to “sleep on” things, waiting to react until I’m feeling a bit more even keeled. I’ve learned to embrace my sensitive side. I think it makes me kinder, gentler, and more accepting of people, their choices, and their circumstance so I’ll take it.

 

  • I love music.  I’m not sure if I would be able to find any happiness in a world without music.  Music both calms me and energizes me.  My favorite types of music are country and 90s alternative rock.  But I enjoy really any type of music that hits the radio.  I’m not a very good singer.  I love to sing and I could definitely be a worse singer, but I’m not entering any competitions.  So I sing in my car and I sing to annoy my kids and I sing to make me happy.

 

  • I’m terrified of fire, heights, and deep water.  I’m not a strong swimmer and I get dizzy if I go up too high on a ladder.  If I was being chased by a raging fire and reached the edge of a high cliff and my only choice was to jump into deep water below, I’m not sure if I would jump.

 

  • I am a liberal feminist surrounded by friends and family who are not.  This can make me feel isolated at times and misunderstood.  While I am certainly willing to discuss issues and accepting of others’ opinions (as long as they are well and respectfully stated and substantiated), I have found that simply staying quiet during my family or closest friends’ politically charged discussions is best for me.  I used to think that I had lost the “fight” in me but it’s more that I’m no longer willing to fight and alienate the people around me.  I sometimes wish the favor was returned but it is what it is.  I discuss my concerns and worries for this country and it’s treatment of others with those I feel safe with (mainly my friends at work and a few other friends who share my views). Otherwise, for now, I’m focused more on being kind, respectful, and accepting of others and setting that example for my girls.

 

  • I will always work.  Always.  Even if I win the Powerball, I’ll be working.  I’ll take my millions, start a charity and go to work every day using and growing my money so it can help others.  I need to be someone other than “mom” or “Ed’s wife”.  I need to have something other than my home and kids as responsibilities.  I worked so freaking hard for my degrees and I need to use them. I need to make money to support myself and my family.  I may be on my own some day and I need to be financially independent if I am.  And, no judgement to those couples who choose to have one partner stay home, but my marriage does not work that way.  We both will always go to work and we both will always find a way to bring money into our household.  Also, I would be a lousy homemaker.  In fact, I really don’t like even being home.

 

  • I love being outside.  A summer lover through and through, I am happiest when I’m warm.  When I go outside in the morning (or after a long work day in my windowless closet of a room), the first thing I usually do is tip my face up to the sun basking in it’s warmth and light and soaking up it’s energy.  I love eating outside, reading outside, and running outside.  I love the sounds of nature, the feel of fresh air on my skin, and the visual beauty that nature can provide.  I most love the beach and looking at the water.  Water fascinates me.  I’m terrified of it (see above) but I never tire of watching ocean waves roll in and out. I’m lucky enough to live only a few miles from the beach and sometimes simply taking a drive down to look at the water will make a lousy day instantly turn for the better.

 

So this is me. I could go on and on but instead I think I’ll provide you with the earworm that is this amazing song.  I promise, if you’re ever feeling a bit down on yourself, listen to this song.  Sing it loud and proud and remember how amazing you’ve become. You may be bruised but I’m sure you’re brave and you are exactly who you’re meant to be.

 

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